a lot has happened over a short few days. i've been made fun of and called a whimp because i have the effing cramps and everyone says it's not THAT bad. for those who think that... to understand how it feels... jump off a cliff and hit the sharp pointy rocks at the bottom. i have no one to talk to obviously because i'm writing this journal for some weird reason... i think i failed a spanish test and i just know for sure i'm gonna get a B in global studies and probably a C in math at this rate. why can't some serial killer magically appear on my doorstep and kill me. the more i think about it... the more i wish the world could be how i wished it would... and the less i think... the more i think i need to change for others. what pisses me off is that no matter how many times i tell my dad my mom hates me which is true... he tells me to shut the fuck up and starts telling me to cut the crap and what a lie it is. am i a liar? maybe in truth i should stop talking and start doing the things i say like:

- committ suicide

- find myself

- whore myself

- use drugs

- cut myself more often

- make new friends [none care really]

there are some things in life i wish not to hear... and then... there are some things that are important to me... some of the things people say make me feel so weak and useless... i am a useless piece of work... as you can see...

i'm dead to the world for now